Principles in Practice

How To Have A Good Attitude

How To Have a Good Attitude

Have you ever considered the liabilities associated with having a bad attitude? A bad attitude limits your potential--you simply cannot achieve as much with a bad attitude dragging you down. A poor attitude can harm your health and your relationships while robbing you of enjoyment in life.

Before I became a Christian, I had a giant problem, and it all had to do with attitude. Sometime early in life, I decided that the world was not a very fun place. I chose to protect myself from the negative aspects of life by expecting and anticipating the negative--all the time. My premise was that if I expected the worst, then I would never be disappointed. I might not be happy, but at least I wouldn't suffer disappointment.

I never really considered the liabilities associated with being a pessimist. Pessimists never anticipate the positive. They may enjoy the positive things which actually come to pass, but they take no joy in anticipating those events or achievements. Yet, anticipation should be a source of great enjoyment. In fact, you can optimistically anticipate something that ultimately does not materialize and still enjoy the anticipation, even though you may be disappointed at the outcome.

Attitude isn't always obvious to others. Most people probably thought I had a good attitude. I didn't sulk or yell at people. Everyone thought I was a good kid. And I was. I looked and acted normal. But inside I had a terrible attitude, and it cost me--sometimes it meant lower grades, other times, poor relationships. And even though I accomplished a lot despite my attitude, I got little pleasure from my accomplishments because I maintained a survival mentality.

Our Relationships

A bad attitude affects all of our relationships--with God, with ourselves and with others. Of course, our relationship to God is central. Until we acknowledge Jesus Christ as the Son of God and invite him into our lives, it's impossible to have the best relationship with ourselves or with others. Our attitude toward ourselves is a direct result of our attitude toward God. If we have a bad or disobedient attitude toward God, we are not willing to become the person He wants us to become.

A bad attitude toward others hurts us as well. We may achieve the desired effect of hurting them, but our attitude really hurts us far more. We can be our own best friends (next to Jesus) or our own worst enemies. And God leaves the choice with us. Attitude can make all the difference.

Working on a Good Attitude

It's one thing to agree that we should have a good attitude, but establishing one is another matter. I know from a recent personal experience.

When the kids were still at home, Pat and I saw each other every evening. But since they're grown and gone, our schedules have changed. We both work outside the home. Pat has exercise class on Monday and Wednesday and gets home after I'm in bed. On Thursday she takes care of three-year-old triplets to give their single mother a break. That leaves Tuesday as the only week night that we can catch up with each other.

On a recent Tuesday evening Pat informed me at the last minute that she was going to sit for her grandchildren at her daughter's house. Her decision violated my expectations, and you would have thought from watching me that she had just said she was leaving me forever.

I got in a snit. I ate dinner silently. Then I went directly to bed with no conversation. The next day wasn't much better, and it wasn't until Thursday that I asked forgiveness for my bad attitude. I knew all the while that it was my problem. I knew that I had to seek a better attitude and that I would have to ask for Pat's forgiveness. But for the life of me I could not muster a good attitude--for a day and a half.

What was the problem, and what was the solution? The problem was that I was being selfish. I wanted things to go as I had expected them to go. And when they didn't, I blamed it on Pat. I looked for her fault in the matter. She could have told her daughter no. She could have told me sooner. She could have asked me if it was okay. But my problem was that I let my selfishness translate into a bad attitude which immediately looked for someone else to blame. And then I maintained that bad attitude until I no longer had the ability to overcome it immediately. Then I had to wait until God gave me the ability.

The ideal solution would have been to offer Pat an opportunity to explain why she handled the situation the way she did. Rather than pre-empt discussion, I should have encouraged it. That might still not have solved my problem, but at least it was another step. Since I knew Pat had not deliberately intended to offend, the answer lay in better communication.

As it was, I had to pray through my bad attitude and ask God to give me a repentant heart. He did and I asked Pat's forgiveness. She granted it and our relationship was repaired.

By the way, Pat never did tell me why she made the decision she did, and she never asked my forgiveness. She never developed a bad attitude that she later had to repent of. She accurately saw it as my problem.

Obedience is the Key

Ultimately, only God can transform a bad attitude. We enable Him to change our hearts when we commit ourselves to obedience. We need to know and be willing to do what God wants us to do. In fact, the root cause of a bad attitude is disobedience. As soon as we identify a bad attitude--whether it's toward God, ourself, or someone else--we've just identified an area of sin in our life. Simply put, sin is conscious disobedience. Since we are all sinners, we all have bad attitudes in one area or another. Once we see these attitudes as disobedience toward God, then we have the means to overcome them.

As with all sin, the first step is to identify it as disobedience. Then we must acknowledge it as sin. Then we must repent. That's sometimes the hardest part. We may need to ask God to give us the attitude of repentance.

Then we need to change our conduct. We may very well need to ask forgiveness either of God or of someone else, or both. Unfortunately, when the sin is a bad attitude, it's usually camouflaged by other things. Often we may see the problem as someone else's problem. Just remember, if you have a bad attitude, it's your problem. You can have a bad relationship and be free of sin or fault, but you cannot have a bad attitude and be sin-free.

The key to having a good attitude is motivation. Different things motivate different people. You might be motivated by the prospect of good or by the specter of evil. You might want to achieve the benefits of obedience or you might want to avoid the pain of disobedience.

It helps to have the big picture. If you can be objective enough to see a bad attitude as harmful primarily to yourself, you should be able to muster enough incentive to at least take the next step. The next step might be prayer. You may have to ask for divine assistance in removing the temptation to let your poor attitude remain in place.

Satan just revels in generating bad attitudes. It may be that your best bet is to see a bad attitude in a particular situation as Satan's attempt to sidetrack you. Lots of valuable time and energy can go into dealing with a bad attitude. If it's easy for you to want to resist Satan, then look beyond the specific matter or the moment. Get the big picture.

Bad attitudes are responsible for needless worry and anxiety more than anything material or tangible. In fact, behind most of our materialistic desires is a bad attitude--a desire to have what God does not intend for us to have. God guarantees that if we have an obedient heart--a good attitude--He will supply all our needs in abundance.

You can begin today, right now, to adjust your attitude--not at the bar, but on your knees. You reward will be improved relationships, better health and most likely greater success.

---
© copyright 1997 by Christian Stewardship Ministries. Any portion of the Principles in Practice articles may be downloaded, quoted or reproduced without further permission, provided excerpts are in context, by adding the following credit line: "Reprinted from Christian Stewardship Ministries' Principles in Practice, Fairfax, Virginia," and furnishing a copy to CSM, 10523 Main Street, Fairfax, Virginia 22030
(703) 591-5000.