Principles in Practice

How to Relinquish Your Rights to God

Do you want real freedom in some area of your life? Then let go of it.

Relinquishment--yielding your rights to God--is a mind boggling concept. But I have learned that when I relinquish something, God either returns it or He gives me something better.

Some people call relinquishment "surrendering" or "waiving" or "yielding" one's rights. What rights? Anything that is totally within your prerogative--the right to marry, the right to choose your vocation or where you will live, your right to obtain certain possessions. It is voluntarily giving God complete control of your options because you know He wants you to be willing to yield them to Him. Maybe He will choose to restore to you what you have released to Him. Usually you hope that He will. In fact, without that hope you might not be able to surrender it. Nevertheless, your attitude becomes "not my will, but thine be done".

APPLYING THE PRINCIPLE

The first time I remember applying this principle of relinquishment was not long after I became a Christian. For the 30-odd years before I became a Christian, I had never intentionally been alone. From the time I was a little kid, I always wanted to have someone else around. By time I reached high school, I had developed an ingrained habit of seeking out someone to be with, no matter what I was doing.

During the first six months of my walk with the Lord, I knew that He wanted me to devote significant time daily to studying and learning His word. I spent a lot of time each day doing that. But the more I spent time alone with Him, the more I also wanted to meet and be with other Christians.

However, I knew it was up to me to discipline myself. Unsure where the line was, I set up a test to determine when it was okay with God for me to seek the company of others. My test was this. I would not take the initiative. If the phone or door bell rang, which was rare in those days, then I would confidently assume that God was directing someone my way. Otherwise I had to find something to do that did not involve others. I relinquished my right to seek companionship. The result was that I spent a lot of time with Him.

STICKING WITH IT

How did I manage to exercise that discipline? How did I resist the temptation to just pick up the phone and call someone? Well, it was a struggle. And the way I handled it was this. Every time I was tempted to take the initiative and call someone, I would clean my fish aquarium. Now this was no ordinary aquarium. In fact, it was not just one aquarium. It was several aquariums which held a total of several hundred gallons of water and lots of fish. And they were constantly in need of cleaning. The algae and debris that accumulates in fresh water aquariums can be overwhelming without constant attention. So, instead of bowing to the temptation to call someone, I would either find something else constructive to do around the house, or I would go clean my fish tanks.

After a couple of months I had some really clean fish tanks. I also had a much better maintained home. But more to the point, I really had relinquished my right to initiate contacts with others. And, I had broken a lifelong habit of dependence on the company of others. Now, 16 years later, I can comfortably spend lots of time by myself. It is no longer an area of dependency. And I still have lots of time to spend with others!

REAPING REWARDS

The best thing about understanding and observing the principle of relinquishment is that it increases your confidence in God. When you are willing to forego something that you want to have or do or be or become, you will discover that He either has something better for you or He returns to you whatever you relinquished. Either way you are a winner.

It is like resisting an impulse purchase. If you relinquish your right to buy something until you know He wants you to have it, there is a lot more pleasure associated with having it. And you know you have been obedient!

YIELDING THE RIGHT TO MARRY

Probably the most difficult thing I have ever relinquished to God was my right to remarry. I knew that it was certainly within my ability and control to remarry, but I did not have the assurance that it was within God's will for me to remarry.

In other areas of my life, His will was much clearer. For instance, He supernaturally delivered me from drinking and smoking. I knew He did not want me to drink or smoke. I had to relinquish my right to do these things, but there was no confusion as to what His will was.

But I really did not know whether He wanted me to remarry or not. I read scripture. I listened to teaching. I read everything I could find on the subject. But I could not find clear direction. So, I decided to resolve it in His favor.

Because I did want to have the freedom to remarry, I decided to relinquish my right to remarry unless and until God made it clear to me that He wanted me to remarry. This was long before I was to face the question of whether God wanted me to marry Pat. As it turned out, I also had to relinquish my desire to marry her before God gave me the freedom to marry her.

After I finally resolved the struggle by relinquishing my right to marry, I was much more at peace. I was not happy or unhappy about my decision. I just knew that it was what God wanted me to do at the time.

I knew that there was still a possibility that He would give me permission to remarry, but I also was confident that unless He gave me that permission, I would be spared another unhappy marriage. Conversely, if He did grant me that freedom, I was confident that my marriage would be Christ-centered.

By the way, when God did grant me the freedom and the permission to remarry several years later, it was somewhat unanticipated and thoroughly exciting. He worked in Pat and me and even in her former husband!

One of the things I chose to do in the course of deciding whether and when to marry Pat was to seek her former husband's consent and blessing. One day I invited him to lunch and asked him for his opinion on whether I should marry Pat. To my surprise, he said he thought it would be in everyone's best interest: both Pat's and their children's. You could have knocked me over with a feather. God certainly confirmed our direction through his response.

LETTING GO OF CHILDREN

I have the best son in the world. But I had to give him up to have him.

My son Kennie is in his late twenties. He is a fine young man. He loves the Lord, and he is a very popular, personable, handsome and winsome fellow. In 1989, Kennie moved to the West Coast to seek fame and fortune.

Before he left, I asked him to promise that he would return home within a year's time. He promised that he would. The year came and went, and Kennie did not honor his promise. He did not even mention it. I reminded him of it, and he never did say he would not be back, he just did not come back. Now I knew the reason he did not want to discuss it is that he did not want to hurt me. His way of dealing with the conflict between my desire and his was to avoid talking about it.

Enter Pat. She knew the disappointment and frustration I felt about Kennie's not living near me and about his not having honored his word. However, she believed that I could no longer control his decision making--even when he asked me to.

Now I have given that same advice to lots of people over the years, but it was still hard for me to hear. I struggled with it for some time. Then I wrote Kennie a letter. I asked his forgiveness for having requested his promise in the first place. I released him from it, and I told him I was relinquishing him to the Lord. He called to thank me. I trust that God will return him when and if that is His desire. And in the meantime, I know I have done what God wanted.

What do you need to relinquish? Will you take a step in that direction today?

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