Glad Tithings

Family newsletter of Christian Stewardship Ministries

"Moreover, it is required of stewards that they be found trustworthy." (1 Cor. 4:2)

March 1997
Volume 16 No 1

Principle in Practice

Glad Tithings is a newsletter of Christian Stewardship Ministries, a nonprofit public foundation. To receive Glad Tithings regularly, send your name and address (with a zip code) to CSM. Gifts are tax deductible, greatly needed and deeply appreciated. The ministry's annual cost per person is approximately $15. Any portion of this newsletter may be quoted or reproduced without further permission, provided excerpts are in context, by adding the following credit line: "Reprinted from Christian Stewardship Ministries' newsletter Glad Tithings, Fairfax, Virginia," and furnishing a copy to CSM.

Christian Stewardship Ministries, 10523 Main Street, Fairfax, Virginia 22030. Telephone 703-591-5000, fax 703-273-1795, e-mail ken@csmin.org

CHRISTIAN GRANDPARENTING

I love being a grandparent! And so will you if you are not already one.

In our forefather Adam's day, when folks lived 900 years or more, a child could know several generations of grandparents. Now, with divorce common and families separated geographically, it is rare for a child to know even one grandparent.

So what's the big deal? Are grandparents really that important? You better believe it! Knowing a grandparent can make all the difference in the world--this world and the world to come. When I was a young parent, I asked myself a hundred times why God arranged life backwards. Why couldn't I have had kids after I had enough wisdom and experience to know what to do with them. I made most of my mistakes on my first son, and the rest of them on my second! That means I just about had the hang of it when my youngest left home for college.

It was not until our first grandson was conceived that I began to understand experientially God's special design for grandparents. A grandparent's role begins with the grandchild's conception. I began to pray for our first grandson as soon as I knew he was on the way. I prayed that his heart would be tender toward God, that he would become a spiritual giant. Alas, that was not to be. A.J. died when he was only six weeks old, a victim of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) also known as crib death. We were all devastated.

But when his brother Zachery came along, we were ready. We prayed that he would be healthy, sensitive to God and a spiritual giant. Zach is now nine years old and weighs 142 pounds. He may not yet be a spiritual giant, but he is healthy, he is sensitive, and he is a giant!

We have prayed similarly for all the others. Cristen, our very special 6- year-old granddaughter born with Down's Syndrome and her brother Dylan know and love the Lord already. Our other seven are also "in the works."

So our first responsibility as grandparents is to pray. Secondly, we can provide the parental wisdom that our children may lack as young parents. Part of that wisdom is not trying to teach our children what they think they already know about parenting. We should be responsive when they are open to advice and suggestion, but sensitive to their need to learn by experience.

We also may have a unique opportunity as well as responsibility to instill in our grandchildren the values and knowledge that God has entrusted to us. There is nothing quite so fulfilling as teaching my grandchildren the secrets of God. God gives grandparents a special role as stewards of his treasures with the delightful chore of passing these riches on to another generation.

When I was the age our children are now, I did not even know God. I had no earthly way of teaching my own children the secret things of God. Fortunately, they are way ahead of where Pat and I were at their age. But at the same time, our children are all wrapped up in surviving. They have babies to nurse, careers to develop and wisdom to acquire. They must still learn for themselves many of the secret things of God. The wisdom they now acquire will one day enable them to be wonderful grandparents.

But today they are parents. We are the grandparents. What can we do to teach our grandchildren the secret things of God? The answer is oh so simple. It is not to tell our kids how to be better parents. It is not even to tell our grandkids how to be better kids. The answer is simply to spend time with our grandchildren. To invest ourselves in them. To be available.

I was not available to my children when they were young. I did not even understand that it was important. Some young parents are much wiser than I was. But no matter how much time a parent invests in his or her child, a grandparent brings an entire generation of time to the relationship. Now matter how good a parent your child is, you have a unique contribution to make to your grandchild's future.

In order to invest ourselves in, to spend time with, our grandchildren, we have encouraged their parents to live near us. We have prayed that God would overcome the natural obstacles, both economic and personal, that would separate us from them. And we have seen God answer many of those prayers.

We make an effort to be available when it is logical for the grandchildren to visit. When they are with us, we try to subordinate our activities and reduce demands on our time so that we can really focus on being with them.

Further, we have decided to emphasize the spiritual in our spending on our grandchildren. Of course, we have bought toys and clothes and furniture. And the grandchildren will read all the same stories and childhood literature that their parents grew up with, but Pat and I have decided that there will be a spiritual dimension to the things we buy for them in the future.

Grandparents can emphasize spiritual things in many ways. If your children do not go to church regularly, you can take your grandchildren to Sunday School. Who knows? Maybe some day they will bring their parents with them. Depending on their ages, you might have a Bible study for your grandchildren. You can make a habit of praying with them. You can certainly keep your eyes open for suitable and desirable companions.

You can serve as a counselor to your grandchildren. You should be one of their very best friends. You can provide entertainment that includes a spiritual dimension. Question any of their habitual activities that are not wholesome.

Grandparents need to know their limits, too. They are not the parents. They do not have primary responsibility for their grandchildren. In fact, although God entrusts many things to grandparents, their role is basically derived through delegation. The parent must be agree to the role the grandparent plays. Do not make the mistake of pre-empting or undermining your child's authority over his or her child. You can seriously harm and even destroy your relationship with both child and grandchild, even if you have the very best intentions.

What memories do you have of your grandparents? What memories will your grandchildren have of you? Are you doing what you can to build a foundational relationship with your grandchildren? God has a plan for you and your grandchildren. Have you discovered it yet?

My highest priority on earth next to Pat is our children and their children. I have done just about all the damage I can do to the next generation. I see my grandchildren as God's vehicle for permitting me to redeem myself.

I am absolutely intent on my grandchildren holding me in their fondest memories. When I die, and all those grandchildren reflect on who Grandpa was, I want them to remember that I taught them everything I knew about who God is. I want to be remembered as the grandfather through whom God loved them.